So, after many changes…we had our visit!! It was emotional as expected. Hopefully for Ima it was more sweet than bitter, but I do know there was some bitter in there. For me as well. I hated seeing her hurt and knowing that in some way I am a part of it. Glad to know that in some way I am part of her peace but still. Having the visit piggy backed on my grandmother’s passing and me still emotional from that didn’t help. All in all I would say it was a good visit. We had a real big heart to heart the second night where we both had a good cry. We have discovered we have two relationships in a way Ima and I. One that we are just friends, and the other where I am the adoptive mother of her biological daughter. When she is not here, the two don’t necessarily have to intersect but while here, in our home, they do. She was SO worried she was going to do something to upset me, Ima that is. Asked before she got here, was there anything I didn’t want her to do. “Like what?’ I asked. I can’t imagine what you would do I wouldn’t want?? “Like hold her, or help you with taking care of her, or making peek in on her sleeping”. I told her she was being silly and I of course did not care if she did any of those things! I didn’t, I don’t. Still, while here she would say, “am I holding her too much?”. So worried. When she became emotional she was worried that we would be so bothered by it we would not want to do visits again because it was difficult. I again assured this would SO not be the case. I understood that this was difficult and anything we could do to help let us know. It breaks my heart to see her so scared of losing us. So scared that we will shut her out. I know we have told her a million times we will never do that. I am not upset for her feeling the way she does it just breaks my heart. No one in her life has actually held up to their word I don’t think. She doesn’t know how to trust this. All we can do is keep doing what we are doing and HOPEFULLY some day she can feel comfort in knowing we are family that will never go away, even though she might wish we would 🙂 Think it was difficult as Kat is no longer the tiny baby she knew. She looks different, she IS different. She totally has a little personality and a mind of her own already! I can’t imagine what it feels like for her, Ima. I was so glad they had time together, that we all had time together. They had a few little naps together and I was able to get some really sweet pictures. It was long overdue and hopefully will not go so long before the next. Over time hope there is more and more sweet and less and less bitter….but the bitter just means you care, so it’s ok.